The end...

I haven't got any idea on what to write here, actually.

I think the titlle could describe my feelings quite well, but well, life goes on and on, and i'm feeling like shit.

There's only place for the strong ones, i don't belong.

Its all.

Ways of thought

Not knowing what to believe, deceived with what i always get for, in life.

Questioning friendship, is value, my value, everything is so questionable.

I'm feeling weak today, actually i guess it's not only from today.

People tend to say that's normal what a feel, but i don't fell it like being so.
This day started bad from the beginning, waking up early, although i had slept the right amount of hours, i was so tired, and so sleepy. Is this from the pills i take? They're so few, it can't just be that! But what if is?

I really don't know where to search for guidance, i think there's not a solution, therefore, i'm the problem.

Its difficult to be a problem, not being understand by friends, or simply, because they also have their problems.

So its their right not wanting to hear me, everyone has problems these days, but simply i can't live like this, i'm not strong enough to keep myself in a good mood every day, i'm disturbed, i have more bad days then the good ones.What can i really do...

Talking about friendships, so how that works? Why so many people hurt me? Why so many people forget me?Why does it has to be like this? Didn't i suffer to much already?

Yeah, i have the answers, its all in me, i'm not strong enough to quote with all problems living has.

I am the problem, they kind of tell me i'm the solution, but what do they know? How they know what i feel, they feel what they feel, not what a feel, it isn't as if i wanted to feel like this, i just feel.

All i ever wanted, all i ever thought i would be, the way the world should be, nothing is correct, nothing, i don't fit in this place, i'm selfish, and i'm different, i think i'm not a bad person, but i'm not special, i don't have anything to offer since so many of you forget me.

It really hurts, i just wish someone could help me, change me, whatever, cause i'm kind of tired of not being loved.

Oh well, but there's always someone dying, at any moment, so who am i to want happiness?

This is what a feel and can't tell anyone, cause i can't be bad for others, or they will fade away.....

First wind, first rain, first goodbye summer

One day of rain, on first day of rain.
One new story to come, one new obstacle to surpass.
A whole new day of thoughts, meanings, one new attitude.
Yet i'm the same exact little creature, thinking about the past, the present and the future.
Trying to guess whats wrong with me and whats right with everyone else.
Sad for loneliness, melancholic days start to begin now.
Feeling no movement, they say the world spins and spins and i, i think i don't believe it, cause i can't see it spin.
There goes summer, not that i enjoy it a lot, but well, its summer, and the sun equals hope, happiness (at least at one superficial layer). Now we got darkness, and that litlle feeling of enlightment, that litlle feeling that some people where happy, its just going away, and all i have is the lonelly wind, and some friendly music.
Theres a time when rain joins the mood also, and things get even better for me.
Its sad, and i guess this is how life has to be, and this how i shouldn't feel, but this is real, and this is what i feel.

Why, some kind of...

Why? Well are you trying to guess what's the text about?
Why are you doing that?...
Some kind of thought?
Several years here, several months, several connections and friendships, and views, and notes, and challenges, several of some kind of action...
Does this make any sense? Well maybe it does, maybe it doesn't have to make sense, life doesn't make sense and we keep living it, maybe thats the reason why!
Decisions, all about decisions, all about competition, all about doing something to get life running, but always running the same way, the same unfair way. Getting so tired of life, of all the problems that come with life, with all the decisions that come with it.
Tired, just tired of all the conditions, "all the must be" and all the "shouldn't be", tired of this disease that brakes me a part and cuts all my sellf pride, all my self value, but wait, do i have any?
I'm i not allone? Am i not a failure in any part of me life...
Well this is life, unfair, unpredicteble and the truest thing in life is, quoting a very well known proverb: "history isn't write be the weak but spoken by the strong.

Adam

Yeah, its a film's title.

The latest film i saw, just after a sad sad day, one of those days tormented by one ugly night.

As a cinema lover, i like every kind of movie, in past i didn't know what's drama's purpose, now i get it.

I can relate myself with the movie so well, like Adam, i also feel alone and different in this world. But actually its curious that unlike Adam, there's no love like the one shown on the movie, there's no such person, there's no such love that can be so rewarding like that one, and as i say this i cry, i cry with all my heart, with all there's left of me.

Somehow this movie, which is a drama can actually be less dramatic than me real life.

Love love love, where is it, why can't i feel it? How can i be so much of a sensible person and not be able to love, i guess i can't even love myself.

Why should i, what do i have to offer, that millions of other guys don't have? Yeah, that's the answer if you're thinking like me...Nothing.

Life as a dream

Sometimes we get ourself into a mystic feeling of happiness with a distinct trace of disappointment.
I guess we try to have everything we see, we look at things the way we wanted them to be, but at the end, it all seems to get too real again, and then you wake up.
Its a happy feeling that i'm sharing with all of you, in fact it is, but it would be so much better if the reasons behind  him, where true facts and not just a movie script, or a short time real life fantasy.
I really know who i am, but i don't see myself in this particular world, where there's no space to dream, there's no alternative reality, its everything so straight, so incorrect, so vague.
I really don't understand what keeps people moving when they are slaves of an established society full of poverty in so many means.
I really don't expect to much from this life, cause all i give to others, its not what they give to me.
I guess i'm mismatched with the real world, real people, i just can wish luck to everyone else, beside of me.
Hope you all don't get to hurt in life, hope you don't read to much in life as i did, especially the things i read some  time ago.
In the end, i can see the world clearly, but i wish i couldn't.

Solidão

Solidão, pela música me deixo envolver, aclamado pela fantasia e pelo sonho de algo que ainda não se tornou realidade.
Solidão com música, é interessante o binómio proporcionado.
É interessante este meu momento mais sonhador embora solitário, com tudo indefinido.
Alegre e ao mesmo tempo nostálgico, será também tristeza...
As palavras saiem com alguma esperança, saiem com alguma paixão, talvez por alguém se ter interessado por mim.
Não sei onde busco esta coragem para enfrentar o dia-a-dia que por vezes consegue ser tão negro, mas vai aparecendo.
No meu cantinho, encontro o meu refúgio, embora sozinho de momento, tenho tido companhia, é nessas fases que um "EU" diferente aparece, um "EU" alegre, falador...
Não tenho mais nada para escrever, espera agora começa uma música que me agrada....bem parece que terminou, afinal não.lol
Fico mais um pouco a escrever, imagino um concerto da queima que jamais esquecerei...parecia tão real e foi tão falso, mas o momento bonito ficou, deveria ter aproveitado melhor o momento, mas não tinha as ferramentas necessárias ao meu dispor...ai se fosse hoje!!:)
A letra da música até se enquadra, curioso......terminei por aqui, vou-me deitar a sonhar, felizmente é uma das coisas que ainda ninguém me tirou.
Obrigado a todos os que pertencem ou fizeram parte da minha vida de uma maneira positiva...graças a todos vocês ainda consigo sonhar.:) Obrigado.